A lot of people think when they feel bad about themselves its low self-esteem or maybe its guilt, but then again it could be shame and we just don’t know it. Do You Have Hidden Shame? What is it and why do we have it?
Shame is an intense painful feeling of believing that we are flawed and unworthy of love and belonging. What is surprising is that this is a universal feeling among most people, except those who can’t show empathy or connection. They don’t experience shame. Shame is not the same thing as self-esteem or guilt. Shame is I am bad. I’m a total loser. I’m stupid. This is where you focus on yourself.
Shame is a feeling where self-esteem is a thought. If I asked you what are your strengths? Who are you? What are your limitations? We would take a moment to think about ourselves and assess where we are in relation to the question. The difference is we feel shame and we think self-esteem.
Guilty is I did something bad. Oh, my gosh! Why did I do that? That was a really stupid thing to do. Guilt is you have done something that is not compatible with your values. This is where you focus on your behavior. Shame is a feeling. Self-esteem is a thought and guilt is a behavior.
Shame leaves us feeling unlovable. Being loved and feeling we belong is a core need. We are wired for love and connection. We need to feel we belong. When we don’t have love, connection or belonging we will suffer with an emotional hurt. This is where one could use money to feel better or buy the love and connection that they so deeply desire.
Most people have shame, but they don’t want to talk about it. They may know that they have shame, but they like to keep it hidden. The problem is that the more you keep it hidden, the more you have it. Shame can’t survive when it is spoken about. Shame only works when we think we are alone in the pain. The moment you reach out and talk about what you are experience you have just brought shame up to the surface to be released. This is one way to heal your money worries.